Going through the emotions

My music taste is weird. One day I want to blast some of the heaviest shit I can find, usually High On Fire or Every Time I Die and then destroy everything in sight. Other days are usually filled with political "fuck you's" and having fun doing it, that's usually filled with Randy or Dillinger Four. Now, most of my days and nights are filled with relaxing, slip into space and drift into the nothingness. Post-rock, atmospheric metal have basically all that has been ruling my life since this year began. I don't know why this sudden deep love for post rock. I've always enjoyed post rock bands, i.e. This Will Destroy You, Sigur Ros, Explosions In the Sky etc.. However lately, it seems all that has been filling my ears. Maybe it's because I don't want to listen about the woes of the world or the woes of man and simply focus on the beauty of the world rather than it's miseries. Maybe that's why I like Isis' "Wavering Radiant" so much, because it provides me with a sense of absolute solititude and creates my ideal atmosphere, or atleast until Aaron Turner begins to scream, but I'm not complaining. I had a great experience with a certain post-rock song, This Will Destroy You - "This World Is Our ____" I was driving along to my cottage way up in the hills and the sun was setting and the sky was coloured orange and blue, just before the darkness overtook it. The song was playing and I watched the passing trees and fields and felt that I had achieved Moksha. Then again I'm not a Buddhist and probably didn't reach enlightenment but never the less, I was enlightened. Enjoy.

The Piano Has Been Drinking (Not Me)

I'm part of the drunken generation. The age where alcohol seems to be the main priority for most teenagers. I've seen tons of facebook status' proclaiming "drinking tonight..YYEEAHHHH" and obviously followed by the drunken typing which usually looks like this "Yaeh! booiiezzze". Now I drink, well occasionally and Ive never been flat out DRUNK, and these past few days I've been questioning do I want to continue to do so? I used to be straight edge back in grade 9 and went to mid grade 11 because I wanted to impress a girl at a party that I was a man, but she didn't care. Now as I think about it, maybe I should reclaim edge, since I was never truly into drinking anyway. Maybe its because I haven't been invited to a party in a long time, man, usually when people are lonely they DRINK themselves into misery. I just don't understand why certain people, in every waking moment think about when the next time they will be hitting the club/bar etc, and end up drinking the night away and waking up the next morning thinking they've swallowed a rabid badger. Where is the pleasure in that? If I want to go out and celebrate something I don't want it to be a fuzzy "did that happen or did I dream it?" kind of memory. I've noticed over the past years, the lenghts people will go to get that taste of booze flowing through their veins, the rats will find a way. The more I think about it, alcohol is a very bourgeois thing. Even though those in the lower classes enjoy them, alcohol companies show that those in high power, must and will enjoy what they produce and it will make them happy. Perhaps I'm being vague on that but it could be a possibility, just look at a majority of alcohol commercials. If I want capitalism to end, might as well start at what fuels it.

the past will haunt you

Going back to childhood.

Man, I have not been gone out and seen anyone for about a week and goddamn am I lonely. Ive definatly felt the effects of this separation in what Ive been doing lately, sleeping in until 12 or 1 not going to bed until 2 or 3 am. Not being able to remember any of my dreams and basically just my mind melting. Fuck. I need stimulation, well next couple of weeks should get better since I applied to HMV and hopefully get the job. Then maybe my brain will begin to function properly again. I am feeling like my whole week is just a Sunn 0))) song, just keeps going and going and eventually picks up before falling down again. (Ive got no problem with Sunn 0))) just that's a majority of their songs.) I miss everyone, I'm kinda starting to regret taking a year off, maybe it'll get better in the coming months. Ive become so lonely I think I'm starting to wish I was a kid again, back in grade 5. This started When I rediscovered my old "jam" New Radicals - You Only Get What You Give. Man I would listen to this song constantly while getting ready for school in the morning, I would even miss my mom telling me to start walking up the school and I be jamming in my pajamas to this. Those were fun times.



also been listening to Opeth a lot more, holy fuck "Ghost of Peridition" is a such a fantastic piece of music.

-Nic

Contenders.

Remember those days where we would sit and wait
by the coke machines in the cafeteria
and just talk about what we want and what we are going to do
insults, jokes and others things we laughed about.
I'm sorry I never said what I wanted to
I left you drifting in the sea
reaching for someone that wasn't me.
I could have done something or said how I felt
but I didn't
I just Im the one who drowned.

Now here we are on your porch
gazing into the starlit sky
questioning our choices
cursing off the places we had to be just to stay in the moment
where we were finally free
and now you had to leave
I just cracked and broke
and sank like a stone.
But I'm only a bus ride away.

For Exes

Drowning In Style

Flashing lights and sounds that are tight
this place is just a pig stye but the fuckers will come
to spend their cash on drugs and booze
so they can get destroyed and feel as if there's nothing to loose.
In their expensive ties and dresses
which will soon be filled up with their own waste
Live fast, die young
is the mindset of all the rats
and the king is sitting in the corner about to die
with a bottle and a girl already dead.
Youth is dying, lets just grow up already, everything is better that way
lets stay away from them
You can't judge our lives when yours is filled with alcohol, drugs and fake happiness
you can't dance your troubles away, they're waiting by the bar waiting for you to
finish your euphoria.
Follow you home and hover over you
no escape from this.
Atleast I died pretty

Lies
Woooooahhhhhhhhh Ive got someone I want you to hear
young, fresh and everything you aren't
but you can be with acouple more bucks.
You can relate you can feel how they feel
just keep paying for their cars and luxuries
What happened to it, so strong and had intergrity
now thats down the drain along with what you've released
I guess you don't care anymore
just wanting what the kids will dance and fuck to
more money in your fat pocket.
Nothing is sacred anymore.

Wanderlust

For the past year or so I've had the definate urge to get up and just leave. I have constant wanderlust, everywhere I go, I just want to keep on going until I reach the edge of something. I've always had this feeling, but the past year it has been more and more pulling and as I see all my friends go off to some universities in other places, I can't help but feel lonely. Sure all my other friends are staying right here in Ottawa, but now I feel like I should be one of those who are leaving. Im going to Carleton this fall and I'm a wee bit excited but its not my main choice. I want to go back to Umeå. For me Umeå is my ideal place, no big city assholes to deal with, no skyscrapers that break the sky and let it bleed and of course its punk rock city.

I need to feel the midnight sun on my face and the dark winters which always follow. Since first laying my eyes on "white birch city" I've loved it. Sure Ottawa is a fun place, but Ive been here to long and I don't want to stay for another 4 years in the same place, going to the same districts, I just don't like that at all. You might be thinking "well once you reach Umeå, you'll have the same feelings again." I might agree with that, but for me its where I really want to be. I hate the constant hustle and bustle of the big cities, I hate skyscrapers (a major reason why I don't want to go to New York City) I just want a place where I can see true beauty and not man-made eyesores which block the beauty by replacing it with metal covered boxes. Ill do one year at Carleton and see how I feel about it, but right now I feel as if I should get out my bag stuff it fill of my Isis and Mastodon cds, all my Will Ferrell movies and get my bike and ride it to the airport and just board the next one to Stockholm. Yea thats a good plan.


-Nic

Fuck

So last night I was alone in my house. I got back from the cottage a day earlier to go to a "going away party" for those leaving. Of course the whole thing was a massive flop and barely anyone showed. So I got home at 12ish turned on tv to Much Music playing Gallow's song "In a Belly of a Shark". Needless to say I stoked, mainly because Much Music has been in a major downward spiral for the longest time (started when they recognized the Jonas Brothers as musicians.) So Im rocking out to it then I noticed they bleeped out the line "so fucking cold, so fucking dark". I know all about censorship, but c'mon at 12 you can unbleep it, because no 5 year old is going to be in a room where the song is playing and suddenly be "hurt" by it. Kind of annoyed me that once the song was done the next song up was that song by Flo'rida, no idea what its called but I know its about blowjobs. Now why not censor that out? I think a song about blowjobs would have a more psychological effect on someone that just the word fuck. Why is Gallows reduced to being played at 12 while this "blowjob" of a song is played basically 24/7. I have no problems with blowjobs, infact they're great when you get them but seriously, we have all these fucking adult professionals freaking out about one song that says fuck a couple of times when another song about blowjobs hardly causes a stir. Another example you be that one song by Lady Gaga, now I admitt she's hot but can't write for shit. "I wanna take a ride on your disco stick". Someone I knew sang that infront of me, I didn't know whether or not she was hitting on me, thankfully she wasn't. I realize these musicians are popular but its always the real musicians, stuck up asshole parents go after i.e. Slayer. Lets destroy pointless censorship and say a loud fuck you to the censors.